NB = 2 adult jokes

[Ian]

Geography of Women and Men
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THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild,
fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to
trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a
warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and
all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and
doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business..

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving but open to
meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes like Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious
past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and
a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Illinois, ruled by nuts....(the only difference is
they are his own ! )

[Ian]

RETIREMENT BONUS
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The Navy found they had
20 too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a
bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of His head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which He did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where Are your testicles?'

The old Chief calmly replied,' Vietnam'.

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